Hilarious!

Subject: 精神病人妙語
conversations in psychiatric hospitals
精神病人妙語事例 1
病人A：「怎麼樣？這本書寫得還不 錯吧？」
Patient A:" How's the novel?"
病人B：「太 好了！真是曠世鉅作。一點廢話都沒有，簡潔有力。
Patient B:" Good, it's straight to the point, no bullshit."
不過有一個缺點，就是出場人物太多了！」
"however, there are too many characters in the story"
謢士 ：「喂！你們兩個 ...... 快把電話薄放回去。」
Nurse:"The two of you, return the phonebook now!"
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精神病人妙語事例 ２
有一位精神病院的醫生問患者 ︰
The doctor asked the patient:
「果我把你的一隻耳朵割掉，你會怎麼樣？」
"If I cut one of your ear off, what will happen?"
患者回答︰「那我會聽不到。」
The patient answered:" Then i can't hear"
醫生聽了︰
The doctor then say:
「嗯，那很正常。如果我再把你另一隻耳朵也割掉，你會怎麼樣？」
" Alright. What if I cut also the other ear of yours?"
患者回答 ︰「那我會看不到。」
The patient replied:" Then I cant see."
醫生開始緊張︰「怎麼會看不到呢？」
The doctor was worried:"Why you cant see?"
患者回答 ︰「因為眼鏡會掉下來。」
The patient answered:" My glasses will drop!"
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精神病人妙語事例 ３
神經病院有一位老太太，每天都穿著黑色的衣服，拿著黑色的雨傘， 蹲在神經病院門口。
There's this old lady, who dressed in Black, carrying a black umbrella and knee herself in front of the hospital everyday.
醫生 就想要醫治她，一定要從了解她開始 ..
The doctor wanna help her, and he figured he should start by understanding her,
於是，那 位醫生也穿黑色的衣服，拿著黑色的雨傘，和她一起蹲在那邊。
therefore, he dressed himself in black and carried a black umbrella and knee beside her everyday.
兩人不言不語的蹲了一個月......
After a month.....
那位老太太終於開口和醫生說話了：
The old lady finally speaks:
「請 ..問一下 ! 你...也是香菇嗎?」
" Can i ask you a question...? Are you ...also a mushroom?"
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精神病人妙語事例 ４
一個精神病院的護士看到一個病人在寫信，非常好奇，想去偷瞄，
A nurse saw a patient writing a letter, and wanna have a glance
可是病人不給她看。
but the patient wont allow her.
護士忍不住問︰「給誰寫信啊？ 」
The nurse asked:"To whom are you writing the letter?"
病人回答：「寫給我自己啊！」
Patient said:"Myself!"
護士好奇心更盛，心想：「怎會有人寫信給自己呢？！」
The Nurse is curious:" Why you write to yourself?!"
於是又問：「寫些什麼啊？」
she asked again" So what did you write?"
病人說：「你神經病啊！！我還沒收到信，我怎麼會知道！」
The patient answered:" Are you insane?! I haven't received the letter yet, how am I suppose to know?!"
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精神病人妙語事例 ５
有兩個精神病患者從病院裡逃出來。
Two patients ran out of the hospital.
兩人逃跑，爬上一棵樹，其中一個人從樹上跳下來，在地上滾來滾去，
They escaped, and climbed up a tree, one of them then jumped from the tree, and roll himself on the ground.
然後抬起頭對上面的同伴說︰「喂！你怎麼還不下來啊？」
He then said to the one above:"Hey, how come you are still up there, fall down"
上面的那個人回答他︰「不 ... 行...啊！我還未熟透。」
The one on the tree:"no...no...I am not yet ripened!"
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精神病人妙語事例 ６
一位病人來找精神科醫生︰「醫生，怎麼辦？我一直覺得我是一隻母雞。」
A patient ask the doctor:" doctor, what should i do? I feel like I am a hen!"
醫生︰「喔？！那很嚴重呀，怎麼現在才來求醫？」
the doctor said:" you are so sick, why you didnt come earlier?"
病人︰「因為最近我的家人在等我生蛋啊！」
patient:" because my family are waiting for me to lay eggs."
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精神病人妙語事例 ７
一個貨車司機送貨到精神病院，當他卸完貨準備回家時。
A van driver always deliver stuffs to the hosiptal, one time when he is heading home,
忽然發現有一個輪子爆胎了。
one of the tires broke.
於是他將那個爆掉的車胎拿下來，正準備換上備胎時。
When he started to change the tire,
一個不小心，將固定車胎的四個螺帽掉到水溝裡了，怎麼撿也撿不到。貨車司機不知如何是好
the screw covers fall into the ditch, and the driver don't know what to do...
此時，正好有一個精神病患者經過，就問司機怎麼了？
There came a patient and asked the driver what happened?
司機想，反正也沒有別的事可做，於是就把事情經過告訴精神病患者。
The driver thinked that afterall there's nothing he can do except waiting, so he spend the time explaining what happened.
精神病患 說：「這麼簡單的問題也解決不了，難怪你只能當貨車司機。 你只要把剩下的三個胎各拆一個螺帽下來，裝到第四個車胎上， 然後開到最近的修車廠,補上剩下的 螺帽就可以了。」
The patient said:" That's simple, no wonder you can only be a driver. Just took one screw cover from each the other three tire lanes and put it on the broken one, drive to the closest tire repair shop and get it fixed:
貨車司機敬佩之餘，不禁開口問道：
The driver was amazed and asked:
「你這麼聰明，為什麼會住在精神病院？」
"you are so clever, how come you are sent to a psychiatric hospital?"
精神病患回答：「我住在這裡是因為我有精神病，不是因為笨！」
The patient said:" Come on! I have mental illness doesn't mean I am retarded!!"

hahaha, this made my day :>!

thanks for the song!

Can't help but to share with you this song that a friend send me, so nice!!!!!
thanks!!!